How to Get the Mother’s Day You Actually Want (Without the Disappointment)

Mother's Day is often celebrated with bright flowers, heartfelt cards, and family gatherings, but for many mothers, the reality can be quite different. While the day is marketed as a joyful occasion, it can sometimes end in stress, hurt feelings, or unmet expectations.

For many, the day can feel like a reminder of what they hoped for but didn’t receive. Perhaps it's the disappointment of a partner not fully grasping how to make the day special, or maybe it's the pressure to uphold high standards and maintain a perfect image that overshadows the actual celebration. From unplanned events to unrealistic expectations, it's easy to feel overwhelmed when things don't go as envisioned.

If you've ever found yourself feeling underwhelmed by your partner's efforts or if the day simply didn't live up to your hopes, know that you are not alone. Many mothers share these feelings, and it's important to acknowledge that it's completely normal to feel this way. The pressure to feel happy or grateful can sometimes negate the authenticity of our emotions, and that's perfectly okay. Finding a way to communicate your needs or desires, or even just allowing yourself to embrace the day as it is, can help ease those feelings of disappointment.

This year, let’s make it different. Here’s how to set yourself (and your family) up for a Mother's Day that actually feels good.

Say What You Need (Really — Say It!)

We often hope our partners or kids will just know what we want. But they’re not mind readers.
Be direct and kind. Try:

“I’d love a slow morning and a break from dishes. A card would mean a lot too.”
or
“Can we plan something low-key at home? I just want to feel appreciated.”

Give Kids a Nudge (It’s Okay to Help Them Celebrate You)

Young kids need help making holidays special — and that’s okay! Share these simple ideas with your partner or older children:

• A homemade card (bonus points for handprints or drawings)

• Breakfast in bed (even cereal counts!)

• A chore-free day (no dishes, no laundry — just rest)

• A mini “spa hour” — bubble bath, candle, quiet time

• A list of things they love about you

• A short video message or voice note

What If You’re Parenting a Baby?

Partners: This is your moment. Even a little effort goes a long way. Try:

• Letting mom sleep in (and handling the morning baby shift solo)

• A quiet moment alone — even 30 minutes for a bath or walk

• Saying “You’re doing an amazing job” and meaning it

• Ordering food or handling the day’s logistics without asking

When Grandma Wants Time Too

Yes, grandma loves Mother’s Day too. But this doesn’t mean mom should sacrifice her whole day. Balance is key. Try this:

• Plan a separate brunch the day before or after

• Host a casual breakfast or visit with grandma in the morning, then block off the rest of the day for mom

• Ask what she prefers, then make space for both generations to feel honored — without exhausting the family

Remember: You don’t need a flawless day with matching outfits and picture-perfect mimosas. All you need is to feel seen, loved, and appreciated — and that starts with knowing what you want and making space for it.

If Mother’s Day brings up complex emotions or unspoken frustrations, you’re not alone. At the Institute of Pediatric Psychology, we support parents with tools for better communication, emotional wellness, and parent and family support in Orange County. You deserve care — today and every day.